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“Best Man Speech (for Brian & Jenni)”

August 16, 2016
  1. You know, today is the day Brian finally got his other half, but he already had an ‘other half’….me.
  2. Hi! My name is Keith and I am Brian’s twin brother.
  3. Brian, I want to thank you for asking me to be your best man. I only assume it is because you are so narcissistic that when you could not choose yourself as the BEST man, you got the next best closest thing.
  4. Jenni, you look absolutely angelic today. I want to thank you on behalf of the maids of honor and other helpers.
  5. I also want to thank the Mother and Father of the Bride, Heather and “Deardom”.
  6. At this time I would like EVERYONE to toast Heather & Deardom. Here! Here!
  7. I want to thank Brian and Jenni for their gifts. I also want to thank Gwyn, Jenni’s sister and Matron of Honor and Shannon, Jenni’s best friend and bridesmaid. I would also like to thank all the other people who helped make this day a success: Marianne, James, Chelsea, and honestly too many to mention, planning a wedding is not easy.


  1. I first met Brian inside of a 28 year-old woman in 1982, and let me tell you, we’ve only become closer since then.


  1. Hey Brian and Jenni! One of the first nights we hung out together the three of us got dressed up in thrift store clothes, colored each other’s faces with magic markers, and photographed the shenanigans. When I think about Brian and Jenni I like to think about the times I’ve seen them dressed up together in other costumes. Whether they were both all dressed head to toe in black and wearing sunglasses on a hot summer day and hanging out on the roof of our mother’s home waiting for visitors from other planets, or simply dressed up as mustachioed burglars. I think today they are going for the old bride and groom gag.


  1. Brian has always been an enigmatic fella. When we were little one of his favorite past times was to take all the light bulbs out of the lamps and smash them. I also once witnessed him _______.  Why did you do that Brian? Why? Don’t even tell me, “Chiquita did it!”


  1. Brian and Jenni first met at Brookdale Community College and both transferred and graduated from Kean University. These two are college sweethearts. They’re sweethearts with or without college though. They’re certainly not sour hearts.


  1. The two of you today are doing one the most beautiful things two human beings can do. You are committing yourselves to love. *bow chicka wow wow* You are staring down the road of life together. The road is filled with everything. It’s a road with lots of surprises, which is good, because if you knew the beauty that lies ahead there would be no fun and excitement.


  1. So, in closing, here’s to fun, excitement, and especially love. I LOVE YOU BOTH. Cheers!

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